Just be


What makes a love song? Is it the one that reminds you of ‘the first time ever you saw his face’, in the frantic ‘getting to know you’ stage? When ‘every little thing he does is magic’? Is it the ‘you’re so perfect I want to take a bubble bath in your eyes’ song? {ok, so that’s not a real song…but you get the idea}

Is it a song that sings about newness and mystery and ‘falling’ in love? I love those songs….but that’s not where you’ll find my song. This is my love song and I’m sending it out to my husband for our wedding anniversary. One of the many reasons I love him – he will love this song.

This is not your typical love song. But I do think it’s honest. I think the lyrics should be read with a half smile, a sense of humour and tissue.

Let’s get old together
Let’s be unhappy forever
Cause there’s no one in this world
That I’d rather be unhappy with
Let’s be exposed and unprotected
Let’s see one another when we’re weak
Let’s go our separate ways in the night
like two moths
But know that you’re flying home to me.



Marriage after grief is like a jigsaw puzzle. There’s all these pieces and you don’t know exactly where they fit but you know that if you can just find the energy to sort them out – well, you know you’ll have a decent shot at making something whole. That’s been my experience anyway. You have to sit at the table for a while and flip things over, you need to really look and decide where each piece belongs…then you get active, you start trying things this way and that way and the tiny thrill when you make a connection…that’s what it’s all about.

I love that I can be unhappy with Darren. Not unhappy with him…but unhappy in his company. I love the way he accepts it isn’t his job to fix me, that unhappy isn’t scary, permanent or a judgement call on our life together. I love that I’m trusted to navigate the map of my own emotions.

I love that he never exploits my weakness. Never judges my pain or tells me to get over it. I love that he knows my heart but doesn’t lay claim to it, that he recognises – for it to be his it must also be mine.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. ~Doug Larson


Let’s let go together
Let us unfold one another
And watch all the little things that
once drew me to you
Eventually get on my nerves

There’s nothing like this – knowing you’ve been to the worst places inside yourself and that you’ve had a witness to the journey. That someone has seen your rage, fury, guilt, self pity, fear, shame, despair and STILL – they love you. Except maybe this…seeing their wasteland and still loving them.

The triumph of commitment and partnership is in the little things. It’s letting those little things stay little things. I know for a fact that I’m seriously irritating on a wide variety of issues. I am a woman of extremes – cleanliness or utter slobbery – feast or famine – incessant chatter or silence. There are rarely half measures in my habits. Endearing in a girlfriend, infuriating in a wife. The triumph is this – liberty. Freedom to be extreme and irritating and infuriating because the Me-ness of me is whats loved. That makes me feel balanced and less extreme. Big win. No other person has ever given me that gift, it’s that rare.

I wear you out with frustration
and heartache and anger
But we wait for the wave just to wash it away

Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. ~Simone Signoret


I never know what to get you Darren, you’re not so easy to buy for. On our anniversary this is what I have to offer.

You will always be my favourite person…come what may. You will always be the arms I’m safest in. You will always be the strongest, most authentic and genuine man I’ve ever met. You will always be the one I weathered an apocalypse with. You are my centre. You are my undoing. You are my love song.


Don’t say nothing
Just sit next to me
Don’t say nothing
just be, just be
Just don’t say nothing
Just sit next to me,
say nothing
Just be, just be, just be.


wedding carriage






4 thoughts

  1. Gosh girl I wish I had your intelligence . You have an amazing way with words and I love listening to you!
    You both are an amazing strong,loving,funny couple ! Happy Anniversary to you both so glad you both met and live so close to me so e can have lots of soirees and memories xxx

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